Blog Attack
A lot of blogs I’ve read recently have a common theme of being used to passive aggressively attack people who the author is close to. They often use nicknames for the person, so as not to ‘identify’ them, but it becomes obvious very fast who the person is. I’m going to make a conscious attempt to not passive aggressively attack people in my blog, and I might make the offhanded suggestion that honesty and upfrontedness is generally a better problem solving technique than stewing in one’s own online juices while typing bitterly about someone in their lives.
Many non-bloggers who I talk to seem to have a fear of blogging based on their thought that they don’t want ‘just anyone’ out on the Internet to read about their personal life. They would only feel comfortable talking about personal things with people who they are close to, not just random people from ‘who knows where’. But bloggers themselves seem to have the opposite concern. John Doe off in Whatsitsville, Virginia can read about the most personal aspects of their life, but god forbid their ex-girlfriend, coworker, roommate, mother, etc, reads the site!
Its interesting how you can pour your heart out to a perfect stranger, but can be afraid to talk to the people who are the most important in your life.
3 comments Thursday 03 Oct 2002 | Sam | Uncategorized
I KNOW you aren’t referring to me or my blog (it seems to me that you are breaking your own “rule.” Though you begin with a generalization, you end with “it becomes obvious very fast who the person is” which indicates that you have specific people in mind.)
I can only speak for the way that I blog but, I never refer to my boyfriend by name in my blog–this was in deferrence to him who was uncomfortable with the idea of me blogging about our personal lives. I refer to other people by nickname sometimes, because that’s how they are referred to in real life. Sometimes I don’t use full names to protect other people’s privacy–not that they necessarily are reading this, but I never know when the my circles may intersect.
My family doesn’t read mine because I don’t want to feel censored, nor do I want my parents to know more about my personal life than they or I are comfortable with.
With regard to your statement that you “might make the offhanded suggestion that honesty and upfrontedness is generally a better problem solving technique than stewing in one’s own online juices while typing bitterly about someone in their lives” I have to say that blogging is like keeping a journal. It is not a problem solving technique, necessarily, but often the mere act of typing while stewing in your juices can help you organize the way you feel and lead to better, more productive confrontations. Just because you read it, doesn’t mean the confrontation won’t happen. I caution people all the time that what you read on a weblog isn’t necessarily always the whole person or the whole story or even a true story. I won’t bother citing the obvious example.
Just my $.02
I truly wasn’t pointing fingers in anyone’s direction. There were no specific posts or blogs that caused me to make that post. “Knowing who the person is talking about” is a common theme I see in any passive aggressive communication. People, both in the blog world, and otherwise, have a tendency to mask the identity of the person being discussed, but do so in a thinly veiled manner, perhaps due to a conscious or unconscious desire to expose that person. I wasn’t thinking of any specific instance where I realized who the person being discussed really is. I was also in a slightly embittered mood, which may have lent to the accusatory tone of the writing. I really did try to make it not break my own rule, though I realize now that the post does have some irony to it.
Anyway, yes, a blog is like a journal, in the sense that it can be a vehicle for expression that isn’t necessarily held to the same level of, ah, political correctness standards, of a more formal work of writing, like an article, or press release.
However, its also like journalism, in the sense that its ‘public’ and hence constrained by the conventions of public writing, such as slander. I’m not suggesting that I’ve read anything i’d expressly call slander, at least not recently. But since the possibility even exists, I give strong thought to what I write about people, screening very heavily for accuracy, and trying not to make any untrue statements, even if my emotions are high, and I’m worked up about something.
I agree with your point that whats read in a post is only one small facet of what is naturally a much more diverse situation. Never can something as complex as an interaction between two peoples’ lives be fully condensed into two quickly sketched out paragraphs. The occasional embittered commentary is totally understandable, given that it was typed up as a release, and/or during a time of high emotions, and it certainly doesn’t mean that the writer won’t honestly and maturely deal with the problem when they are more ready. Its when that behavior becomes a trend, that I begin to feel that it is a passive aggressive attack on the other person, and not just an off-the-cuff comment or two. I know its not really my place, as an anonymous reader, to specifically criticize people, blame them, or psychoanalyze them, so thats why my suggestions are offhand. I don’t mean to tell everyone what they should and shouldn’t be writing about, I just wanted to post my opinion on the subject.
Thanks for your comments, they were insightful, and keep me thinking about this..
I think I’ll weigh in on part of this one. I’m proud of you folks for feeling comfortable writing journals in public. I don’t know that I could do it. And just because you may not think someone is reading it, they may be anyway. There are other ways of finding out someone is blogging or has a particular site than hearing it directly from the person. Sometimes the information just becomes known. So are someone’s parents or family reading their blogs? Probably! But they might not be letting on for fear the blogger won’t continue. I chose to let Sam know I read his. Am I inhibiting his writing? Not likely.
Anyway, I am Sam’s mom, and I don’t always agree with what he thinks or does or writes, but the cool thing is that he CAN think and he CAN do and he CAN write and he has a life of his own. I think most parents feel the same way when it comes to that. So, good for you Sam and keep up the great writing cuz, frankly, I’m hooked on reading these. You continue to expand my world. Thanks.