Cheerful Costumes
Today at work was a health fair, where all sorts of groups came and presented, and set up tables. You could touch a real human brain, or get your posture checked out, or look into microscopes, or help extract DNA from wheat germ. However, the highlight was the costumed people. The dental folks had “The Tooth Wizard” and his cheerful, ever smiling sidekick, “Panda Bear”. The wizard went around teaching kids about oral health, and otherwise championing the cause of dentistry. The panda bear helped out, somehow.
There was also a very cheery man named Frank who had come all the way from Chicago to dress up as a gigantic DNA molecule, with a happy grin, and a baseball cap. The costume was tremendously hot and heavy, but Frank is a professional, and he held up great.
I’ll leave you with one little bit of advice. Never name your kid Sam. Because if you do, then as he is running around like a little animal at the museum, and you are yelling, “Sam!! Sam stop it!! Stop right there, Sam!!!” then it will freak me out. It happens all the time, and even though I know they aren’t talking to me, I still turn my head each time they say my name. So lets just keep things easy, and let me be the only Sam in the world. Here are a few naming suggestions, use these instead. Zodebacher (male). Shambugs (male). Shambina (female). Shazbot (unisex). Tiggy (unisex). Crudzenshen (male). Toza (unisex). Hildegern (female). Enjoy!
Saturday 29 Nov 2003 | Sam | Personal
Sam! Sam, stop it! Sam, stay right where you are young man! Knock it off, Sam! Behave, be good, and if you can’t be good, be sanitary, Sam! Yeah, you’re right…no more “Sam”s need to be around. That is a good suggestion. Stop naming your children “Sam”. I need to be able to chastise MY child (although admittedly he’s not much of a child anymore) whenever I want without taking on the responsibility of chastising all of the “Sam”s on the earth (or within earshot). I don’t want all those other Moms with “Sam”s to slack off cuz they think I’ll just take on overall oversight of all “Sam”s. (“Oh, Martha, don’t worry about your little Sam, that other Sam’s mom will handle it or all of us. Have another bonbon.)
I also don’t want to give kudos to those “Sam”s who may not deserve it. When I say “Oh, Yeah, Sam”, I want it to be for MY Sam. He is such a special little guy.
Maybe us mom’s need to each develop our own unique voice to distinguish ourselves and our “Sam”s. Yeah, I can hear it, something shrill, penetrating, that raises over the din of a crowded cafeteria. Well, maybe just a “knowing” look would do rather than an ice pick to the brain.
Anyway, while we’re at it, stop naming kids Brad and Greg, too. I think I’ll get a copyright.
sam, sam, sam. picture this:
one of your faithful readers takes your advice on child-naming when devising a moniker for their next offspring. the kid grows up and becomes an astronaut.
while out exploring the galaxy, he/she comes across the planet ork, long thought to be only mythical.
in making first contact with the creatures of this planet (who all look strangely like a young robin williams), the intrepid astronaut introduces him/herself as “shazbot”—and is immediately blasted into tiny pieces by the offended orks.
please, sam, think of the children.
You’ve got it all wrong, tim. The name ‘shazbot’ is probably the name of their mythical savior, and the astronaut will be treated to the finest delicacies of the planet, and lavished with every comfort. Then he will bring those delicacies back to earth, so we can all try them too.
Sam, I have suggested in the past that Hildie introduce herself as Hildarian because it is not likely to be confused with anything else. Recent names that she has been associated with due to her dis-use of my suggestion:
1. Heidi
2. Hadley
3. Hattie (or Hotie or something like that)
4. Herbie (like the love bug)
5. Anything remotely close to Hildie that you can think of. Anything that starts with H and ends with ie will do)