Today’s Horoscope

In order to get a glimpse into my future, I regularly check my horoscope. But since most astrologers are crap, I only have one trusted source. The Onion.

In addition to checking my own horoscope, I also like to check up on the futures of my friends. Who knows what horrible fates will befall them this week? I want to be one step ahead of the game so I can get the sympathy cards in the mail before noon.

Today Dennis’s horoscope was frighteningly accurate:

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) Classical musicians worldwide will be out for your blood when you compose the brilliant but torturous-to-play Punishment Symphony For Orchestral Dipshits.

It’s actually possible that he’s already written it, based one some of the stuff I’ve seen him write. The title is probably just a subtext to one of his other titles or something. It’s OK, Dennis, we’ve got your back when those dipshits come after you.

3 Responses to “Today’s Horoscope”

  1. on 19 Jan 2005 at 2:33 am Dennis

    It’s cool. Believe me, after they finish playing that piece there will be absolutely no energy left in those dipshits to come after me. The first movement alone is enough to cause fainting and loss of vision in all but the most hardy of orchestral players.

  2. on 19 Jan 2005 at 11:35 pm Grego

    Wow. That’s mine, too. Does this mean it was a cooperative effort?

  3. on 21 Jan 2005 at 3:51 pm barbie

    den i dont know if folk influenced orchestral music would be exactly tiring. possible irritating…hopefully your impressionistic influences would come into play.

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