And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I trust only one news source. The Onion. Yes, it claims to be satire, but I think it is being operated by a secret band of psychic journalists who receive visions of future news in their dreams. Much of it is crap, but some of it is right on the money.

In February of 2004 they ran the following article from Gillette’s CEO: Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades

What part of this don’t you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn’t claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.

...

Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama’s about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That’s right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me—the second strip lathers. It’s a whole new way to think about shaving. Don’t question it. Don’t say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we’re on the edge—the razor’s edge—and I feel like dancing.

One year and five months later, boring old CNN reports the following: Gillette Unveils 5-bladed Razor With Two Lubricating Strips

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) – Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back.

The Onion editors are psychic I tell you. From now on, no news besides The Onion!