The Only Reasonable News Source
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I trust only one news source. The Onion. Yes, it claims to be satire, but I think it is being operated by a secret band of psychic journalists who receive visions of future news in their dreams. Much of it is crap, but some of it is right on the money.
In February of 2004 they ran the following article from Gillette’s CEO: Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades
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Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama’s about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That’s right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me—the second strip lathers. It’s a whole new way to think about shaving. Don’t question it. Don’t say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we’re on the edge—the razor’s edge—and I feel like dancing.
One year and five months later, boring old CNN reports the following: Gillette Unveils 5-bladed Razor With Two Lubricating Strips
The Onion editors are psychic I tell you. From now on, no news besides The Onion!
Thursday 15 Sep 2005 | Sam | Lovely Links